Rest That’s Actually Restful

Allow me to set the scene of a typical post-work evening in 2024.

If I’m lucky, there’s only one show at Dolly Parton’s Stampede tonight, so I get home around 7:45pm, shed my sweat and horse-scented clothes, and eat dinner.  Between bites, my wife and I share nuggets of information about the day, a notable moment, an accomplishment, or someone being stupid.  We finish dinner and move to the couch, still exhausted from the day, and start scrolling through Instagram reels, showing each other stuff we find funny along the way. 

For the first 5-10 minutes, we feel relaxed and connected, swapping reels back and forth like flirtatious penguins exchanging pebbles.  But as we sit longer, half an hour, an hour, and more, the algorithm begins to fail us.  We stop showing each other videos, because nothing seems that good.  The night reaches 10:30, our preferred bedtime, and we’re still chasing one more dopamine hit.  The chase is futile, and finally one of us summons the gumption to put down their phone and usher the other into a hurried and partial nighttime routine.  We head to bed feeling gross, empty, and wasteful, setting ambitiously early alarms which will be snoozed multiple times, as we start the day groggy and still exhausted, swearing we’ll do better today. 

If that routine sounds familiar to you, welcome, my friend, to an article written as much to myself as to you.  It took too long for me to realize my pattern of mindlessly scrolling social media, not only didn’t produce a feeling of restfulness, but left me in a near-depressive state.  I spent a lot of time researching and pondering how to get myself out of this vicious cycle.  I haven’t found any fool-proof plan; however, I seek to pass on the things I am learning to you, even as I am in the process of learning them. 

What I know for certain is this: just as time, money, and schedules require planning and optimization, so does rest.  Using words like “optimal” or “efficient” seem counterintuitive when talking about rest: isn’t the point to turn those off for a while?  In a way, yes, but simply doing nothing or scrolling social media for hours is not true rest.  If you stop driving your car and leave it in the garage because it’s low on gas, you will save the gas, but you’ll never use the car to its full potential.  You must take yourself to the proverbial gas station, and that’s where true, effective rest comes into play: not simply being idle, but refreshing your body, mind, and soul. 

Below are a few examples of effective rest from my own list of go-to’s.  Of course, each person is different, and while there are patterns, the specifics of refreshing yourself inside and out are deeply personal and subjective.  These aren’t step-by-step instructions: they are examples to guide you towards developing your own arsenal.

Taking a walk

Simple body movement is always a good starting point.  I take a 20–30-minute walk in the early afternoon about twice a week to combat the post-lunch lethargy and give my brain a breather before the workday’s final push.  If I’m too pressed for time to spare a half-hour, five minutes on my apartment balcony getting some fresh air will help revive my spirit, wake up my legs, and give my brain a chance to do some subconscious problem-solving.

When the weather is bad, some light stretching or mobility work will achieve the same result.  If you don’t know where to begin with that, let the internet help.  My wife and I are big fans of Charlie Follows, who does a variety of yoga flows, at different lengths, for all skill levels, all for free on YouTube.  (This is not a paid promotion, but Charlie, if you ever read this, let’s talk business.)

Journaling or other written expressions

Modern journaling is not a junior high, “Dear Diary” moment, nor is it pages and pages of trauma dumping that take two hours to write (though I’ve used it for the latter on occasion).  Your brain is reading, sorting, prioritizing, and problem-solving with the information you take in, while simultaneously reminding your heart and lungs to work.  It’s your body’s computer, and like any computer, it has storage and processing limits.  Journaling helps your brain sort through that mountain of information, one item at a time.

I try to journal every other day, sitting down and writing about the first thing that comes to mind, be that a simple account of the day or the processing of a difficult emotion.  Anything I write relieves my brain of work and lets it slow down, which makes this a great bedtime exercise.

If you’re a creative type, instead of journaling, you might prefer to write poetry or lyrics or ditch the words entirely and draw a picture.  Express and process in whatever way works for you.

Work on a fun, personal project.

This is another way of saying, “Have a hobby!”  Do that random, weirdly personal thing you like that no one is checking up on.  Right now, that’s LEGO sets for me, and some old Wii games I’m working through again.  Even though you’re devoting time and energy to a project, the sense of accomplishment you’ll receive is all for you, which makes it sweeter. 

Don’t worry about whether it’s practical or affecting with your ambitions.  If it brings you joy (and therefore mental rest), it’s affecting you for the better.

Spend time with the friends who fill you.

If you’re an extrovert, this probably means anyone.  I have a friend who got so starved for social interaction during COVID, he got side job working drive thru at Whataburger just so he could talk to people.  If that’s you, I’m genuinely happy for you, because this option becomes that much easier.

For the rest of you, my fellow introverts, we know that we have a social battery, and there are people who charge that battery, and people who drain it.  That doesn’t mean we don’t like being around the drainers, but there’s a way certain personalities naturally fill us up, a way words can’t describe but introverts instinctively understand. 

If your heart needs a lift, call on your “charging” friends, your ride-or-die’s.  Do something fun together or just hang out, and feel your spirit come back to life.

Remember, these are ideas, not instructions.  By nature, effective rest is personal and subjective.  Humans are wired similarly, but only you ultimately know what brings you true rest and refreshment.  Don’t be worried if your go-to’s are different.  Find what works and stick to it. 

Make rest a routine.  Like work and appointments, periods of rest must be scheduled and planned, otherwise you’ll just end up in old, negative habits.

Effective rest is a muscle that needs training.  It takes intention, and when the time to rest comes, it takes effort to choose a good habit over the easy way out.  Commit to that initial effort for the pay-off: actually feeling rested.